Small victories

Harini Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang sekolah aku. Dan majlis ni buat aku teringat kat pelajar pelajar aku yang tidak hadir kerana mereka tidak "layak" menerima apa jua anugerah.

And that somehow made me sad.

Sebagai guru, aku bukan lah pesen cikgu yang nak "trophy for all". Healthy competition is needed. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But in reality, education is not a fair competition. Kalau ada sesiapa yang tengok video berkenaan "how privilege works" fahamlah maksud aku ni. These students did not start at the same starting line. And yet we reward them as if they do. The culture that we are upholding now is basically rewarding students with better privileges and giving them even MORE privilege.

Aku tak nafikan ada pelajar yang had little privilege and yet succeeded nevertheless. But such students are scarce. You need that extra perseverence, that extra effort, that extra motivation. Something that students with better privilege need not worry about because their situation has already made it much easier for them.

Aku ambil alih kesemua pelajar yang aku ada sekarang sejurus habis PPT. Aku ada anak murid yang PPT Bahasa Inggeris dia 0. Zero gais, zero. Dia tulis nama je. Dia tak usaha nak jawab pon. Selain isu akademik, dia juga ada severe behavioral issues. Aku hampir give up. Setiap kali aku masuk kelas dia akan menangis. Lari keluar kelas. Guling guling kat lantai. Hentak hentak barang. Baju sekolah dia kelabu. Kelabu betul, tak pernah putih (kesan berguling). Beg koyak robak. Aku ni da lah pesen cikgu yang suka main game segala apa tau. Tapi dalam kelas dia aku takleh buat. Contohnya, nak main dadu. Kena lah bergilir-bergilir kan? Dia tak boleh. Orang lain pegang dadu jee dia akan menangis. Dia nak dia sorang je pegang. Aku reward dia boleh. Suka. Aku reward orang lain tak boleh. Dia akan menangis juga. I tried every method in the book (except hitting coz I don't hit) and it showed results, though painstakingly slow.

Anyways, fast forward several months later, after endless pujukan, PAT arrived and guess what?

He got 66% for BI. From F to B. He's now one of my most well behaved. Tak buat bising dah, habis kerja buat kerja sendiri senyap senyap. And he has finally learn to share 😭😭😭😭😭 I was so proud of him playing chess and snakes and ladders with friends without breaking into tears (I took so many photos lol). He's also the kid that hugged me and said "sayang teacher!"

And this kiddo, who has made me so so so proud, was not present at today's ceremony.

By my standards, he deserve to be on a grand stage and be recognized for his amazing improvement. But apparently its not good enough. I, alone cannot change this culture. Be the teacher that celebrates the small things. They matter.

Actually, they matter the most.