To my long lost twin, Asri

So I've just barely recovered (physically, lol)  from my 17 hour and 10 minute car ride, but emotionally? I've never felt more refreshed. And that's coz I've spent 12 out of those 17 hours with Asri. 

Early disclaimer : This isn't a romantic post, lol. 

Anyway, this asri guy. What's funny is that I've just met him; literally, 3 days ago. We are in the same organization together (Edufication) and he texted to inform me he was in the area (my area, Putrajaya).  Long story short, I asked him out together with *Evanna (another member of Edufication) and we went to have dessert and drinks at Serai, Jaya Mall. 

Hands down, the easiest connection ever with people I've only gotten to know online.  I think that's hugely due to **Sam's wisdom in selecting like-minded people (but also people who can think independently). I liked them instantly. I felt like an idiot for feeling so nervous before the meet-up coz vibing with them was a piece of cake (and we did have cake, yum) 

Anyway, after like an hour of talking, Asri had the audacity to ask permission to leave coz he had to catch his bus back to Pahang (he's a teacher at MRSM Muadzam Shah). Of course I couldn't let him leave. So I offered to drive him there. It was a no brainer. That decision didn't even need consideration, and I'm supposedly a logical thinker. Thankfully, he accepted the offer, so we stayed around to talk for 2 more hours before he really had to go and settle some stuff. We agreed that the drive to Pahang can wait the next day and Eva and I stayed around for bit to search for his birthday pressie (asri's birthday was the next day). We bought ourselves 3 matching tshirts, 1 for asri obviously, to commemorate our first hang out. And a cute card telling him what a KING he issss! 

20/09/2021

Woke up at 3.15am and head off for Asri's hotel in Ampang at 4.10am. Arrived at his hotel 5am sharp. 

First thing I did? Of course wished him a happy birthday! 

I'm not the type to celebrate birthdays (so Asri, if you're reading this, please acknowledge this is a one time thing looool) but it felt good celebrating a friend's birthday like that. I feel 16 again. Usually with ma besties, I just wish them a HB and take them out to eat. 

Anyway, that was the start of our 12 hour journey. And boyyyyyyyyyyy was it funnnn! Asri and I have a looootttt in common. We kept repeating to each other 

" OMGG WE SHOULD'VE MET SOONER" 

Things we talked about 

- our families

- our love interests (all the trauma included lol)  

- interesting experiences in our careers and studies 

- our quirks and just how awesome each other are! hahahaha 

Things we have in common 

- how we love people

- how we are as friends (to other people) 

- our views on feminism 

- our families' beliefs 

- our political views 

- our luck in life

- the kind of relationship we build with lecturers and our students 

- how highly we think of each other ahaksss 

 

Things we differ 

- how to celebrate birthdays 

* i dont like birthdays a whole lot and asri... dude he was entertaining fans the whole 12 hours of our ride. Retis siotttt! 

I literally felt like I've known Asri all my life, its just that we don't know the details of each other's lives yet. THE 12 HOURS LEGIT DID NOT FEEL ENOUGH. 

Then we met Sam, the coolest guy ever,.. like, I don't even need to elaborate. Sam's awesomeness is something everyone can agree on. He deserves every ounce of hype he gets.

Please notice our matching tshirts!! <3 

Then we went back to his MRSM before I finally went back home (sobs)

I think what's unique about Asri is that he feels safe. And what I feel is echoed by other women in his life cuz they all feel he's safe too. In today's world, to find a man you can truly feel safe around despite knowing him in less than 24 hours is nothing less than a miracle okay?? For anyone who knows me, I hate calls, especially from men. But when asri called me (I was lost omy back home), I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. And when I told him I had some goss and his response was "Wanna call?" I didn't say no, just later. Dudeeeee, I usually develop this level of comfy after months or years of knowing people. 

Anddddd I think he basically cured my imposter syndrome. FOR REAL. Hear me out okay. Asri is like my twin (in character). And I think he's an awesome awesome dude. So if Asri is awesome, and he is like me,.. then I must be awesome too, right??! Anyway I feel a whole lot more self-love after knowing him, sooo he must've contributed somehow, eheee. 

So thankyou my long lost twin, for the best road trip of my life. Here's to more road trips and hangouts where we can fool around, be ourselves and laugh to our heart's content. Cheers! 

p/s To think that I legit feared I would never experience more chemistry with another man other than with my ex?? Foolish bissshhh. hhaha

*Evanna : I don't hype this girl enough. She's smart AF, gorgeous, and if I'm a bit more bi i would totally go for her, lol. The definition of girl crush. 

** Sam : Sam is the founder of Edufication, and idk how to say this without sounding a tad cocky, but he personally selected us to be in Edufication. Ngeee. 

1 thing my ex taught me

 

So I saw the above picture on my Facebook timeline.. and it got me thinking. If there is just 1 lesson, just ONE thing, I learnt from my past relationship, what would it be?

After a while, I think I know. 

Some context: 

I really, really, reallllllllyyyyyy like intelligent men. Like soooo much. I've had a crush on at least 3 men on my Facebook simply for the way they express their opinions. My ex was doing his PhD when I knew him, and he was... somewhat wise. And he really did teach me a bunch of stuff. 

Nway, my lesson was that no matter how intelligent he is (and no matter how much of a sapiosexual you are), its meaningless when he is insecure with YOUR intelligence. Or if he's so acutely aware of his own intelligence he has an overly-bloated ego.

One time, I entered this conference where I presented my paper and his (coz he couldn't attend)...My paper won, and his reaction upon hearing the news of my win was 

"Are you sure the committees didn't get our papers mixed up?" 

And such microaggressions where he implied he's smarter than me was constant. Mind you, I entered two more conferences where my paper was accepted but his wasn't, ahaks. 

He thinks my opinionated rants are "attention-seeking" and a "thirst for popularity" 

And whenever our opinions clash, its coz "im too young and dumb to know better" and that "in 10 years time you will know I was right". 

 

When I simply shared with him the responses to my FB post

I guess I stayed coz, with my imposter syndrome and all, I didn't think he was all that wrong. Maybe I am dumb. I don't think he has ever said he is proud of me, like ever. We don't celebrate my achievements either; it was always him. Celebrated when he got APC, but not when I got it. Celebrated when he passed his proposal defense, but nothing when I passed anything. 

Why did I hold on so long? Maybe coz I feel intelligent men who can really impress me + wants me to boot, isnt all that plentiful, so I should just settle? idk. It hurts my ego when I think I stayed for as long as I did. 

Anyway, the guy I'm talking to right now? In less than a month since we started talking (often), he has already told me he's proud of me and encouraged me to pursue sooooooooooo many things like scholarships and Guru Cemerlang, and I'm so terharu coz like how are you so confident in me 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Plus he's way smarter than my ex and humble too! My ex never denied it whenever I praised him "bijak", but this new guy, he keeps saying he isn't all that and that there are way more men more intelligent than he is huhu. The fact he uses correct grammar and spells in full are like super added bonuses.

Isn't life beautiful tho? Like what are the chances me of knowing him, right after I've fallen out with my ex? Even if we dont end up to be "endgame", he's just what I needed after years of crushed self-esteem. Its like he healed me. 

All in God's planning. Just trust. 

The lesson here is really, don't ignore red flags simply because the red flag has a bit of patterns that you happen to really like. Like, its not worth to stay for the patterns when the red dominatesssssss. Haha. 

p/s if he (new guy) reads this, I hope he doesn't acknowledge it (to me). It would just be too embarrassing. 

Da'ie lalat, lebah dan rama-rama

Muqadimmah: Ibrah

            Ibrah. Apa itu ibrah? Aku membelek buku 'Tak Kenal Maka Tak Cinta' oleh Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil. Di situ ibrah dijelaskan sebagai 'teladan yang mengaitkan sesuatu dengan sesuatu'. Ustaz Hasrizal menyambung, '...Setiap kisah, dicari kisah sendiri di dalamnya. Inilah proses menghasilkan Ulul Albab, golongan yang mendapat kefahaman isi, bukan sekadar kulit'. Di situ juga diselitkan ilustrasi budak kecil bercakap dengan bapanya mengenai kapal terbang; dia berkata pada bapanya, 'Manusia mendapat inspirasi daripada ciptaan Allah kan Ayah?'. Apa yang aku tafsirkan, budak itu mengaitkan kapal terbang dengan ciptaan Allah, iaitu burung. Dengan melihat burung maka manusia mendapat ilham untuk menghasilkan sesuatu yang mempunyai sayap, supaya ia berkeupayaan untuk terbang, sama seperti sang burung!  Aku mengangguk perlahan. Tenggelam dalam fikiran sendiri. Teringat aku pada kisah Rasulullah SAW yang menerangkan pada puteri kesayangannya, Saidatina Fatimah, bagaimana berkait rapatnya pokok semalu dengan perempuan. Bagaimana kita harus ada perasaan malu (pada tempatnya) sebagaimana kuncupnya pokok semalu apabila disentuh, bagaimana kita harus mempertahankan maruah diri, sebagaimana duri tajam pokok semalu, bagaimana kita harus mempunya keterikatan yang kuat dengan Allah, sebagaimana tunjang kuat pokok semalu, dan bagaimana kita harus pulang ke rumah apabila waktu semakin senja, sebagaimana kuncupnya pokok semalu dengan sendiri apabila senja menjelang. Kagum aku, dengan hanya memerhati alam, pelbagai teladan yang kita boleh ambil! 

Pemerhatian seorang aku : Al-kisah pendebungaan, debunga dan agen pendebungaan

            Serious je bunyinya kan muqadimmah aku? Haha. Aku bajet-bajet sopan je dalam muqadimmah aku tuh. Mohon jangan tertipu, lol.  Sekarang aku juga mahu menge-test; pemerhatian aku yang boleh kita jadikan teladan. So! Korang tahu apa itu pendebungaan? Atau bahasa jawanya, 'pollination'. Ia adalah suatu proses pemindahan butir debunga daripada anter ke stigma. Perghhh, boleh belajor sains baca belog si peah ni, gempak tak gempak?. Baiklah. Sekarang, untuk berlakunya pendebungaan, perlu ada agen pendebungaan. Mereka ini lah yang membawa debunga-debunga. Apabila pendebungaan berlaku dengan jayanya, maka terbentuklah taman mewangi lagi warna warni. 

Indah! 

Harum! 

Nak shoot scene ala-ala Bollywood Kuch Kuch Hota Hai confirm uummphhhh! Feel habisss wohh!

Haha. Okay, back on track. Now, dalam konteks kehidupan manusia, kita pon ada proses pendebungaan. Kita pon ada agen pendebungaan. Agen pendebungaan kita also known as da'ie. Ye da'ie. Dan debunganya adalah dakwah. Dan proses pendebungaannya adalah proses dakwah itu sendiri, dari da'ie ke mad'u. Dan apabila proses pendebungaan debunga dakwah (haaa terbelit lidah kau mak jemaahh) berlaku dengan sukses, maka terbentuk juga taman, iaitu 'taman' khaira ummah! Yang..

Amar makruf!

Nahi mungkar! 

Nak shoot scene drama-drama islamik, drama tarbiyyah, confirm uummphhhh! Feel habisss wohh! 

Haha (gelak syok sendiri)

Agen pendebungaan = Da'ie

Debunga = Dakwah

Pembentukan umat terbaik ni bukan kerja senang. Bukan kerja sehari semalam. Bukan kerja seorang individu. Bukan kerja satu cara. Ia ambil masa. Ia ambil team effort. Ia memerlukan pelbagai jenis modus operandi. Dudes and babes, striving for the best ummah is no piece of cake! No easy peasy lemon squeezy kinda work. Kita nak taman yang cantik, perlu ade agen pendebungaan yang gigih lagi berdedikasi. Kita nak khaira ummah, kita perlu ada agen pendakwah yang gigih dan berdedikasi juga! 

In pollination, ada beberapa jenis agen pendebungaan. Ada tiga yang agak utama (di bawah kategori insect at least), iaitu lalat, lebah dan rama-rama. Mereka ini semua boleh diibaratkan agen pendakwah, misi sama (membawa debunga-debunga) tapi sifat mereka lain-lain. Sama juga dengan da'ie, misi visi sama sahaja, menyampaikan risalah Islam, memanusiakan manusia, etc etc tapi sifat antara da'ie dengan da'ie yang lain itu semua berbeza. Apabila berbeza, maka keberkesanan sesuatu penyampaian itu juga lain. Ada yang effective, ada yang tidak. Ada da'ie nasihat terus berubah 360, ada da'ie nasihat makin parah perangainya. Haaa. Dah gitu  moh kita kaji! Kita akan lihat pada sifat lazim tiga binatang ini, dan mengaitkannya dengan sifat lazim yang ada pada pendakwah-pendakwah, da'ie-da'ie zaman sekarang. 

Atas sebab aku tidak mahu syok sendiri memberi perspektif aku, maka aku bertanya sahabat handai aku mengenai 'sifat-sifat' tiga binatang ini. Soalan yang aku ajukan 'Apa yang ko fikir apabila aku sebut lalat/lebah/rama-rama?'

Da'ie lalat

'Emm, mereka suka tempat kotor! Makan pon yang kotor-kotor'

'Penyebar penyakit'

'Bising!' 

'Selalu ada kat tempat busuk!'

'Ludah dulu kat makanan sebelum digest, ewww'

'Hehe. Buruk kodd'

'Dianggap pest dan harus dihapuskan!'

Hahaha hamekk kau takde yang positip pulak pasal lalat ni. Semua orang nak mengumpat dia je. Sabar ye lalat. Disebabkan kau lah aku ada modal nak menulis blog picisan aku ni so aku sayang kau okay? 

Ada beberapa ciri lalat yang aku ingin bawa ke muka pengadilan (kau dah kenapa)

1. Suka tempat kotor & meludah makanan

2. Menyebarkan penyakit

3. Bising 

Secara ringkasnya, 

Suka tempat kotor & meludah makanan itu ibarat mencari salah. Maksudnya sengaja pergi ke facebook budak-budak 'hilang arah' 'rosak' 'sosial', lalu meludah kata-kata nista, kata-kata cacian kata-kata hinaan, yang kesemuanya dikatakan atas dasar agama. Katanya dia lah yang paling cakna pasal agama

Buruk, 'pest' dan harus dihapuskan!

Da'ie sebeginilah yang memburukkan imej Islam, imej pendakwah, imej pembawa risalah agama! Wait. Layakkah gelaran 'da'ie' itu ? Mungkin cuma da'ie wannabe. Berhentilah menjadi 'pest' yang boleh membantutkan usaha mereka yang lain. Hendak menegur masyarakat, tapi masyarakat sudah fobia! Namun, aku tidak rasa da'ie ini patut dihapuskan. Yang perlu hapus adalah sifat mazmumahnya. Kalau anda ada ciri-ciri ini, perbetulkan diri. Kalau kawan-kawan anda ada ciri-ciri ini, bimbing dia untuk perbetulkan diri. Insya Allah, mana tahu dulu keyboard warrior kini da'ie ummatik. Mudah-mudahan. Aamiin. 

Da'ie lebah

'Dorang hasilkan madu yang sedap!'

'Rajin!'

'Aplikasikan kerjasama'

Haaa bunyi positip aja sang lebah ni. Tapi....!

'Takut ah dengan lebah. Menyengat doh. Leh bawak mati'

'Yang pastinya aku tanak dekat!'

'Kena pakai sut nak dekat dengan depa'

Da'ie lebah ni, lainnya dari da'ie lebah, dia ada ilmu. 

'Tarbiah tu biar kasi lagi sentap, lagi kasar sheikh. Kalau buat lembut nanti orang buat pijak kepala je!'

'Zaman sekarang dah kena guna cara kasaq. Zaman degil. Perangai syaitonirrojim belako!'

"Mereka yang menegur tetapi secara kasar lagi menyakitkan, samalah ertinya memberi makanan yang lazat-lazat kepada fakir miskin, tetapi diberi dengan cara melemparkan-lemparkan makanan" (Ustazah Fatimah Syarha).

Da'ie rama-rama

'Cantik!'
'Kalau ada kat taman, berseri sangat.'
'Simbol keharmonian' mimi cute *tetibe
'The end of something is the beginning of another- Abah'
'Challenges make you stronger - Aku'

What Uncle Spidey meant

You know the famous quote by Uncle Spidey (Spiderman) ?
No? Hang on.

"With great power comes great responsibility"

Femes quote ni. Dan ia sebenarnya straight to the point. Macam kalau kita pegang jawatan tinggi, lagi banyaklah jobskopnya kan? Nak jaga orang-orang di bawah penyelian kita lagi..So nampaklah disitu perkaitan antara power and responsibility. 

Now, I always had these questions. Korang tahu lah aku en, banyak sangat soklan yang berlegar-legar dalam otak kepala. There are questions like ones on maturity yang aku berjaya jumpa jawapan yang memuaskan aku, and there are questions yang aku masih ragu-ragu.. Right now, I THINK I know the answer to my question..

Well I had this debate with myself for a loooonnggg time.