To my long lost twin, Asri

So I've just barely recovered (physically, lol)  from my 17 hour and 10 minute car ride, but emotionally? I've never felt more refreshed. And that's coz I've spent 12 out of those 17 hours with Asri. 

Early disclaimer : This isn't a romantic post, lol. 

Anyway, this asri guy. What's funny is that I've just met him; literally, 3 days ago. We are in the same organization together (Edufication) and he texted to inform me he was in the area (my area, Putrajaya).  Long story short, I asked him out together with *Evanna (another member of Edufication) and we went to have dessert and drinks at Serai, Jaya Mall. 

Hands down, the easiest connection ever with people I've only gotten to know online.  I think that's hugely due to **Sam's wisdom in selecting like-minded people (but also people who can think independently). I liked them instantly. I felt like an idiot for feeling so nervous before the meet-up coz vibing with them was a piece of cake (and we did have cake, yum) 

Anyway, after like an hour of talking, Asri had the audacity to ask permission to leave coz he had to catch his bus back to Pahang (he's a teacher at MRSM Muadzam Shah). Of course I couldn't let him leave. So I offered to drive him there. It was a no brainer. That decision didn't even need consideration, and I'm supposedly a logical thinker. Thankfully, he accepted the offer, so we stayed around to talk for 2 more hours before he really had to go and settle some stuff. We agreed that the drive to Pahang can wait the next day and Eva and I stayed around for bit to search for his birthday pressie (asri's birthday was the next day). We bought ourselves 3 matching tshirts, 1 for asri obviously, to commemorate our first hang out. And a cute card telling him what a KING he issss! 

20/09/2021

Woke up at 3.15am and head off for Asri's hotel in Ampang at 4.10am. Arrived at his hotel 5am sharp. 

First thing I did? Of course wished him a happy birthday! 

I'm not the type to celebrate birthdays (so Asri, if you're reading this, please acknowledge this is a one time thing looool) but it felt good celebrating a friend's birthday like that. I feel 16 again. Usually with ma besties, I just wish them a HB and take them out to eat. 

Anyway, that was the start of our 12 hour journey. And boyyyyyyyyyyy was it funnnn! Asri and I have a looootttt in common. We kept repeating to each other 

" OMGG WE SHOULD'VE MET SOONER" 

Things we talked about 

- our families

- our love interests (all the trauma included lol)  

- interesting experiences in our careers and studies 

- our quirks and just how awesome each other are! hahahaha 

Things we have in common 

- how we love people

- how we are as friends (to other people) 

- our views on feminism 

- our families' beliefs 

- our political views 

- our luck in life

- the kind of relationship we build with lecturers and our students 

- how highly we think of each other ahaksss 

 

Things we differ 

- how to celebrate birthdays 

* i dont like birthdays a whole lot and asri... dude he was entertaining fans the whole 12 hours of our ride. Retis siotttt! 

I literally felt like I've known Asri all my life, its just that we don't know the details of each other's lives yet. THE 12 HOURS LEGIT DID NOT FEEL ENOUGH. 

Then we met Sam, the coolest guy ever,.. like, I don't even need to elaborate. Sam's awesomeness is something everyone can agree on. He deserves every ounce of hype he gets.

Please notice our matching tshirts!! <3 

Then we went back to his MRSM before I finally went back home (sobs)

I think what's unique about Asri is that he feels safe. And what I feel is echoed by other women in his life cuz they all feel he's safe too. In today's world, to find a man you can truly feel safe around despite knowing him in less than 24 hours is nothing less than a miracle okay?? For anyone who knows me, I hate calls, especially from men. But when asri called me (I was lost omy back home), I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. And when I told him I had some goss and his response was "Wanna call?" I didn't say no, just later. Dudeeeee, I usually develop this level of comfy after months or years of knowing people. 

Anddddd I think he basically cured my imposter syndrome. FOR REAL. Hear me out okay. Asri is like my twin (in character). And I think he's an awesome awesome dude. So if Asri is awesome, and he is like me,.. then I must be awesome too, right??! Anyway I feel a whole lot more self-love after knowing him, sooo he must've contributed somehow, eheee. 

So thankyou my long lost twin, for the best road trip of my life. Here's to more road trips and hangouts where we can fool around, be ourselves and laugh to our heart's content. Cheers! 

p/s To think that I legit feared I would never experience more chemistry with another man other than with my ex?? Foolish bissshhh. hhaha

*Evanna : I don't hype this girl enough. She's smart AF, gorgeous, and if I'm a bit more bi i would totally go for her, lol. The definition of girl crush. 

** Sam : Sam is the founder of Edufication, and idk how to say this without sounding a tad cocky, but he personally selected us to be in Edufication. Ngeee. 

1 thing my ex taught me

 

So I saw the above picture on my Facebook timeline.. and it got me thinking. If there is just 1 lesson, just ONE thing, I learnt from my past relationship, what would it be?

After a while, I think I know. 

Some context: 

I really, really, reallllllllyyyyyy like intelligent men. Like soooo much. I've had a crush on at least 3 men on my Facebook simply for the way they express their opinions. My ex was doing his PhD when I knew him, and he was... somewhat wise. And he really did teach me a bunch of stuff. 

Nway, my lesson was that no matter how intelligent he is (and no matter how much of a sapiosexual you are), its meaningless when he is insecure with YOUR intelligence. Or if he's so acutely aware of his own intelligence he has an overly-bloated ego.

One time, I entered this conference where I presented my paper and his (coz he couldn't attend)...My paper won, and his reaction upon hearing the news of my win was 

"Are you sure the committees didn't get our papers mixed up?" 

And such microaggressions where he implied he's smarter than me was constant. Mind you, I entered two more conferences where my paper was accepted but his wasn't, ahaks. 

He thinks my opinionated rants are "attention-seeking" and a "thirst for popularity" 

And whenever our opinions clash, its coz "im too young and dumb to know better" and that "in 10 years time you will know I was right". 

 

When I simply shared with him the responses to my FB post

I guess I stayed coz, with my imposter syndrome and all, I didn't think he was all that wrong. Maybe I am dumb. I don't think he has ever said he is proud of me, like ever. We don't celebrate my achievements either; it was always him. Celebrated when he got APC, but not when I got it. Celebrated when he passed his proposal defense, but nothing when I passed anything. 

Why did I hold on so long? Maybe coz I feel intelligent men who can really impress me + wants me to boot, isnt all that plentiful, so I should just settle? idk. It hurts my ego when I think I stayed for as long as I did. 

Anyway, the guy I'm talking to right now? In less than a month since we started talking (often), he has already told me he's proud of me and encouraged me to pursue sooooooooooo many things like scholarships and Guru Cemerlang, and I'm so terharu coz like how are you so confident in me 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Plus he's way smarter than my ex and humble too! My ex never denied it whenever I praised him "bijak", but this new guy, he keeps saying he isn't all that and that there are way more men more intelligent than he is huhu. The fact he uses correct grammar and spells in full are like super added bonuses.

Isn't life beautiful tho? Like what are the chances me of knowing him, right after I've fallen out with my ex? Even if we dont end up to be "endgame", he's just what I needed after years of crushed self-esteem. Its like he healed me. 

All in God's planning. Just trust. 

The lesson here is really, don't ignore red flags simply because the red flag has a bit of patterns that you happen to really like. Like, its not worth to stay for the patterns when the red dominatesssssss. Haha. 

p/s if he (new guy) reads this, I hope he doesn't acknowledge it (to me). It would just be too embarrassing. 

Da'ie lalat, lebah dan rama-rama

Muqadimmah: Ibrah

            Ibrah. Apa itu ibrah? Aku membelek buku 'Tak Kenal Maka Tak Cinta' oleh Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil. Di situ ibrah dijelaskan sebagai 'teladan yang mengaitkan sesuatu dengan sesuatu'. Ustaz Hasrizal menyambung, '...Setiap kisah, dicari kisah sendiri di dalamnya. Inilah proses menghasilkan Ulul Albab, golongan yang mendapat kefahaman isi, bukan sekadar kulit'. Di situ juga diselitkan ilustrasi budak kecil bercakap dengan bapanya mengenai kapal terbang; dia berkata pada bapanya, 'Manusia mendapat inspirasi daripada ciptaan Allah kan Ayah?'. Apa yang aku tafsirkan, budak itu mengaitkan kapal terbang dengan ciptaan Allah, iaitu burung. Dengan melihat burung maka manusia mendapat ilham untuk menghasilkan sesuatu yang mempunyai sayap, supaya ia berkeupayaan untuk terbang, sama seperti sang burung!  Aku mengangguk perlahan. Tenggelam dalam fikiran sendiri. Teringat aku pada kisah Rasulullah SAW yang menerangkan pada puteri kesayangannya, Saidatina Fatimah, bagaimana berkait rapatnya pokok semalu dengan perempuan. Bagaimana kita harus ada perasaan malu (pada tempatnya) sebagaimana kuncupnya pokok semalu apabila disentuh, bagaimana kita harus mempertahankan maruah diri, sebagaimana duri tajam pokok semalu, bagaimana kita harus mempunya keterikatan yang kuat dengan Allah, sebagaimana tunjang kuat pokok semalu, dan bagaimana kita harus pulang ke rumah apabila waktu semakin senja, sebagaimana kuncupnya pokok semalu dengan sendiri apabila senja menjelang. Kagum aku, dengan hanya memerhati alam, pelbagai teladan yang kita boleh ambil! 

Pemerhatian seorang aku : Al-kisah pendebungaan, debunga dan agen pendebungaan

            Serious je bunyinya kan muqadimmah aku? Haha. Aku bajet-bajet sopan je dalam muqadimmah aku tuh. Mohon jangan tertipu, lol.  Sekarang aku juga mahu menge-test; pemerhatian aku yang boleh kita jadikan teladan. So! Korang tahu apa itu pendebungaan? Atau bahasa jawanya, 'pollination'. Ia adalah suatu proses pemindahan butir debunga daripada anter ke stigma. Perghhh, boleh belajor sains baca belog si peah ni, gempak tak gempak?. Baiklah. Sekarang, untuk berlakunya pendebungaan, perlu ada agen pendebungaan. Mereka ini lah yang membawa debunga-debunga. Apabila pendebungaan berlaku dengan jayanya, maka terbentuklah taman mewangi lagi warna warni. 

Indah! 

Harum! 

Nak shoot scene ala-ala Bollywood Kuch Kuch Hota Hai confirm uummphhhh! Feel habisss wohh!

Haha. Okay, back on track. Now, dalam konteks kehidupan manusia, kita pon ada proses pendebungaan. Kita pon ada agen pendebungaan. Agen pendebungaan kita also known as da'ie. Ye da'ie. Dan debunganya adalah dakwah. Dan proses pendebungaannya adalah proses dakwah itu sendiri, dari da'ie ke mad'u. Dan apabila proses pendebungaan debunga dakwah (haaa terbelit lidah kau mak jemaahh) berlaku dengan sukses, maka terbentuk juga taman, iaitu 'taman' khaira ummah! Yang..

Amar makruf!

Nahi mungkar! 

Nak shoot scene drama-drama islamik, drama tarbiyyah, confirm uummphhhh! Feel habisss wohh! 

Haha (gelak syok sendiri)

Agen pendebungaan = Da'ie

Debunga = Dakwah

Pembentukan umat terbaik ni bukan kerja senang. Bukan kerja sehari semalam. Bukan kerja seorang individu. Bukan kerja satu cara. Ia ambil masa. Ia ambil team effort. Ia memerlukan pelbagai jenis modus operandi. Dudes and babes, striving for the best ummah is no piece of cake! No easy peasy lemon squeezy kinda work. Kita nak taman yang cantik, perlu ade agen pendebungaan yang gigih lagi berdedikasi. Kita nak khaira ummah, kita perlu ada agen pendakwah yang gigih dan berdedikasi juga! 

In pollination, ada beberapa jenis agen pendebungaan. Ada tiga yang agak utama (di bawah kategori insect at least), iaitu lalat, lebah dan rama-rama. Mereka ini semua boleh diibaratkan agen pendakwah, misi sama (membawa debunga-debunga) tapi sifat mereka lain-lain. Sama juga dengan da'ie, misi visi sama sahaja, menyampaikan risalah Islam, memanusiakan manusia, etc etc tapi sifat antara da'ie dengan da'ie yang lain itu semua berbeza. Apabila berbeza, maka keberkesanan sesuatu penyampaian itu juga lain. Ada yang effective, ada yang tidak. Ada da'ie nasihat terus berubah 360, ada da'ie nasihat makin parah perangainya. Haaa. Dah gitu  moh kita kaji! Kita akan lihat pada sifat lazim tiga binatang ini, dan mengaitkannya dengan sifat lazim yang ada pada pendakwah-pendakwah, da'ie-da'ie zaman sekarang. 

Atas sebab aku tidak mahu syok sendiri memberi perspektif aku, maka aku bertanya sahabat handai aku mengenai 'sifat-sifat' tiga binatang ini. Soalan yang aku ajukan 'Apa yang ko fikir apabila aku sebut lalat/lebah/rama-rama?'

Da'ie lalat

'Emm, mereka suka tempat kotor! Makan pon yang kotor-kotor'

'Penyebar penyakit'

'Bising!' 

'Selalu ada kat tempat busuk!'

'Ludah dulu kat makanan sebelum digest, ewww'

'Hehe. Buruk kodd'

'Dianggap pest dan harus dihapuskan!'

Hahaha hamekk kau takde yang positip pulak pasal lalat ni. Semua orang nak mengumpat dia je. Sabar ye lalat. Disebabkan kau lah aku ada modal nak menulis blog picisan aku ni so aku sayang kau okay? 

Ada beberapa ciri lalat yang aku ingin bawa ke muka pengadilan (kau dah kenapa)

1. Suka tempat kotor & meludah makanan

2. Menyebarkan penyakit

3. Bising 

Secara ringkasnya, 

Suka tempat kotor & meludah makanan itu ibarat mencari salah. Maksudnya sengaja pergi ke facebook budak-budak 'hilang arah' 'rosak' 'sosial', lalu meludah kata-kata nista, kata-kata cacian kata-kata hinaan, yang kesemuanya dikatakan atas dasar agama. Katanya dia lah yang paling cakna pasal agama

Buruk, 'pest' dan harus dihapuskan!

Da'ie sebeginilah yang memburukkan imej Islam, imej pendakwah, imej pembawa risalah agama! Wait. Layakkah gelaran 'da'ie' itu ? Mungkin cuma da'ie wannabe. Berhentilah menjadi 'pest' yang boleh membantutkan usaha mereka yang lain. Hendak menegur masyarakat, tapi masyarakat sudah fobia! Namun, aku tidak rasa da'ie ini patut dihapuskan. Yang perlu hapus adalah sifat mazmumahnya. Kalau anda ada ciri-ciri ini, perbetulkan diri. Kalau kawan-kawan anda ada ciri-ciri ini, bimbing dia untuk perbetulkan diri. Insya Allah, mana tahu dulu keyboard warrior kini da'ie ummatik. Mudah-mudahan. Aamiin. 

Da'ie lebah

'Dorang hasilkan madu yang sedap!'

'Rajin!'

'Aplikasikan kerjasama'

Haaa bunyi positip aja sang lebah ni. Tapi....!

'Takut ah dengan lebah. Menyengat doh. Leh bawak mati'

'Yang pastinya aku tanak dekat!'

'Kena pakai sut nak dekat dengan depa'

Da'ie lebah ni, lainnya dari da'ie lebah, dia ada ilmu. 

'Tarbiah tu biar kasi lagi sentap, lagi kasar sheikh. Kalau buat lembut nanti orang buat pijak kepala je!'

'Zaman sekarang dah kena guna cara kasaq. Zaman degil. Perangai syaitonirrojim belako!'

"Mereka yang menegur tetapi secara kasar lagi menyakitkan, samalah ertinya memberi makanan yang lazat-lazat kepada fakir miskin, tetapi diberi dengan cara melemparkan-lemparkan makanan" (Ustazah Fatimah Syarha).

Da'ie rama-rama

'Cantik!'
'Kalau ada kat taman, berseri sangat.'
'Simbol keharmonian' mimi cute *tetibe
'The end of something is the beginning of another- Abah'
'Challenges make you stronger - Aku'

What Uncle Spidey meant

You know the famous quote by Uncle Spidey (Spiderman) ?
No? Hang on.

"With great power comes great responsibility"

Femes quote ni. Dan ia sebenarnya straight to the point. Macam kalau kita pegang jawatan tinggi, lagi banyaklah jobskopnya kan? Nak jaga orang-orang di bawah penyelian kita lagi..So nampaklah disitu perkaitan antara power and responsibility. 

Now, I always had these questions. Korang tahu lah aku en, banyak sangat soklan yang berlegar-legar dalam otak kepala. There are questions like ones on maturity yang aku berjaya jumpa jawapan yang memuaskan aku, and there are questions yang aku masih ragu-ragu.. Right now, I THINK I know the answer to my question..

Well I had this debate with myself for a loooonnggg time. 

Moment-moment touching #2ndPracticum

Fuuuuhhhhhh fuhhhhh kasi tiup sikit habuk habuk dalam blog picisan gua ni. Perghhh habuk dia kalah jerebu woh. Hahaha. Maaf la lawak hambar, jari jari berasa kaku k KAKU menulis yang bukan 'academic essays'. Maigawwwdddd praktikum da sekian lama habis, aku baru nak hupdate. The reason aku tangguh sebab aku tak tahu nak update apa sebenarnya. I'm like, errrrr nak tulis apa doe??? My experience this time is almost the total opposite of my previous one.Why? 

1) Aku jadi guru praktikum ghajinnnn bak hang! Sehari pon tak lepas buat lesson plan, and kali ni buat lesson plan sungguh2. So sangat2 lack masa untuk tidur. Sebab nak fikir plan tu pon makan jaaammm, belum lagi menaipnya. fyi, TESL IPIK buat lesson plan at least 5-6 pages, excluding appendixes. Campur adalah jadi 10 pages. Kalau standard2 rajin cam aku ni (mohon muntah hitam) mahu jugaklah 12 pages-16 pages. Itu setiap hari. Penat toksahh kataaaaa. Praktikum sebelum ni aku lek jeee kruh kruhh tidur, ngajar pon main hentam. Kejinya perangai peah oiii, tsk tsk jangan contohi k. 

2) Murid aku sebelum ni low-proficiency. Mereka pesen nak minta keluar tandas pon cakap 'Miss, I want to push out water'. kah kah kah . Lucu doeee. Tapi kali ni aku dapat budak advanced. Lebih separuh guna English as their first language. Takde satu pon lesson aku kena penat2 translate, aku minta sape yang tahu translationnya terangkan pada kawan mereka. Setel. Text takyah penat2 nak adapt kasi senang ke hape, boleh amik dr internet tanpa edit sangat, kasi anak murid, mereka leh paham. Kagum doeee. Aku pi sekolah tu 99.9% speak English sebab memang English environment gila. So sebab mereka advanced, maka aku memang terpaksa pikir lesson plan vavavooom sikit sebab nak kena impress golongan 'elit' gini. Seronok pon buat, alhamdulillah rata-rata learning objectives tercapai and aktiviti leh buat macam2 nga depa ni. 

3) Aku kena dera doeeee kat sekolah tu! Aku malas nak abdikan episod hitam dalam hidup aku ni dalam blog kesayangan, so lets just say I felt that I was treated very unfairly by some of the teachers there. 

Sebelum gi sekolah tu, aku datang prepared. Aku buat research pasal classroom management, otak aku dok ligat pikir teaching aid yang macam-macam, aku cuba teknik tu teknik ni. So Alhamdulillah sangat-sangat usaha kali ni menampakkan hasilnya. Maksud aku, murid aku behave (memang takde major behavioral problems), and get this, NOT ONCE DID I FEEL NECESSARY TO RAISE MY VOICE IN ANGER TO THEM! Woots woots! Sekali pon aku tak marah anak-anak murid aku, tinggi suara ke apa. Nak mendera apatah lagi. Huu happy sangat sebab memang azam aku kali ni untuk kurangkan garang tu. Anyways, aku memang rapat dengan anak-anak murid semua so lets just say adalah banyak ketika aku terharu bak hang nga mereka. 

1) Murid paling nakal paling loving 

Aku ada sorang anak murid ni. Nama dia Chew. Sangat padan nga nama, perangai dia kekadang buat aku rasa nak gigit gigittttt je beliau tau! Dia lah yang paling bising sekali, paling payah nak ikut arahan, paling segalanyaaaa. Tapi korang nak tahu? 

• Nakal-nakal dia, tak pernah sekali pon tak turn in homework. Sentiasa buat homework and sangat semangat cerita kat aku pasal homework dia :') 
• Nakal-nakal dia, hari terakhir aku kat sekolah tu, dia mainkan recorder untuk aku sambil kawan-kawan yang lain persembahkan poem khas untuk aku. Bapakkk ahh, nangis doeeee!
• Nakal-nakal dia, bila aku terpaksa cancel outing class last minute and call balik makbapak semua untuk amik anak-anak pukul 12 instead of pukul 3, dia tak kasi aku call mak dia untuk dia balik awal. Dia insist jugak nak spend masa dengan aku sampai pukul 3. 
• Nakal-nakal dia, he said I am his favourite practicum teacher :')
• Nakal-nakal dia, dia buat youtube video bersama aku, (he's a youtuber, can you imagine!) and told me it's so precious (the video). 
• Nakal-nakal dia, he taught me one of the most valuable lessons a teacher can ever learn, the value of patience :') <3 

It's amazing if just give your students a chance to be better. Trust me, try to push away anger and impatience as far away as possible. Use anger as your very last resort. Treat them with kindness and understanding, and they will show you love beyond your expectations! <3 

2) Murid Malay semangat belajar

Nak buat anak murid Melayu belajar bahasa Inggeris dengan sungguh-sungguh payah doeee, apatah lagi mereka perlu bertanding dengan budak2 chinese and indians yang gila fluent bahasa mereka. So what they need is the knowledge that they CAN BE JUST AS GOOD AS THEIR NON-MALAY FRIENDS! And how to do that teacher teacher sekalian? Encouragement, constant support, and a competitive environment! Mula-mula aku masuk kelas tu, murid malay yang paling layu sekali, yang memang payah gilaaa nak angkat tangan, yang duduk belakang kekadang buat kerja lain, langsung tak absorb dengan lesson. So try to find reasons to praise them. Handwriting cantik puji, bagi jawapan tak betul pon cakap good try, buat reward system supaya mereka ada rasa menyumbang dalam group. Macam-macam kekdah sebenarnya. Bila tengok anak-anak murid melayu pon semangat angkat tangan sampai jerit2 haaa nak aku dengar jawapan mereka (mygawd sumpah kelas aku sangat competitive) pastu joget2 dapat jawapan betul, alahai berbunganya hati miss. kekekeke. A parent of this malay girl actually came to see me,( dia nak masukkan anak dia dalam choral speaking yang di-handle aku) cakap her daughter didn't stop talking about me, and that she enjoyed her English lessons. Alhamdulillah. 

3) Change in behaviour, woots!

Ok so I did mention that my students were well-behaved right? Ekceli, class aku tu ada bad reputation for being one of the most noisiest class in school, hence one the most disruptive as well. Ni cikgu dia habaq kat aku. The first day aku masuk, budak2 bertolak (bergaduh) sampai sorang ni cedera kena pi hospital, internal bleeding, RM8000 surgery katanya. After some time, class aku sangat mudah handle. Yes, the occasional noise and the constant reminder to ask them to lower their voice,but other than that, alhamdullillah. Nak suruh senyap pon senang je. Chew later told me that the class changed a lot after I came. No more swearing (they use to swear a lot, I hope this continue to discontinue even after I left! Huuu) and less fighting too! Haiyaa Chew tuu first time aku masuk dia pi strangle sorang budak perempuan ni kod. Tapi sekali tu jaaa. Anak2 murid aku pas tu semua pakat perangai A+++, tu pasai miss sayang banget! Heeee. Budak buat salah, tak payah scold panjang2 sebenarnya. Try dulu reason nga mereka, why was their actions wrong? Pastikan mereka admit sendiri mereka salah, and mereka sedar WHY is it wrong. And make them themselves agree to not repeat their misbehaviour. Giving them responsibility over their own actions helps a lot people! 

 

Kemanisan Ukhuwah PMG 14

Dua tahun yang lepas..

PMG 12

Aku merupakan salah seorang ahli biro Prep n Tech. Jujur aku cakap, stress sangat sangat waktu tu. Dah lah ada assignment yang kena hantar hari Isnin tu, aku blurrr pulak tu. Tapi salah aku lah, bukan nak tunding jari kat sape-sape pon. Pada post-mortem terakhir untuk PMG 12, abang K tanya semua penggerak PMG 12 "Sape lepas ni nak join PMG lagi?" Aku dengan yakin, tekad yang kuat amat sangat (haaa emphasis di situ), tak angkat tangan (wakwakwakwak gaya macam perlu segala kekuatan diri tak angkat tangan) . Muka pon buat kelat je, yelahh tension kannn. Abang k pandang aku and said "Peah tanak join dah lepas ni?" And aku geleng. Ye, aku TANAK DAH JOIN PMG! PEPIAS pon aku nak goodbye papai sayonora au revoir segala. 

So start dari situ. Aku quit PEPIAS. 

One year passed.

PMG 13

2013 aku buat comeback. Heehe ayat bajet retiss. PMG 2013 pon aku datang. Jadi pemerhati uollss. Niat dah pasang awal-awal, aku harap aku dapat join PMG 14 nanti

Haaa todia. Setahun and mindset took a 360 degrees turn. 

So...PMG 14, amacam? Niat yang terdahulu tertunaikah?

ALHAMDULILLAH

PMG 14

Facilitator

Nervous meme nervous, tapi excited!!

Takut lah. Sedar diri lah jugak paras ilmu tahap mana kan. 

**update 2021. Kau sambung dalam hidup jemaah lagi beberapa tahun. Life was good. 

Faith and Understanding in the Unseen

Hohohoho haiii readers! Assalamualaikum!  Kemain kan tajuk post, 'Unseen' bhaii, aku nak citer pasal beriman pada benda ghaib ke?

Tak, tak...

Aku nak luah perasaan frust aku berkenaan.. cer guess?

Haaaa banyak sebenarnya..(girl's issue, semua benda nak frust). Nways yang pertama pasal...

Pasal cikgu!

Sebenarnya banyak perkara mengenai cikgu ni buat aku tacing tau..

Sebab ada orang yang tak faham, untuk mengajar kau bukan takat kena ada ilmu dalam subjek yang kau nak ajar, tapi juga ilmu bagaimana hendak mengajar subjek tersebut. Methodology is NOT easy. Rata-rata semua orang boleh faham matematik darjah 6, tapi tak semua orang boleh 'memahamkan' budak darjah 6..Haaa orang yang tak faham ni buat aku tacing.. Kalau beginilah konsep pemahamannya, maka majoriti dari kita boleh jadi cikgu sekolah rendah, semua da habis sekolah rendah kan? easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Sebab pemahaman yang begini jugak, buat aku tacing pasal perkara lain. Pasal cikgu2 yang haven't undergone training. Bila aku tengok orang yang bukan bidang perguruan and not even bidang pendidikan jadi cikgu, jujur aku tacing. (Ngade2 kan?!) . Sebab for me you are indirectly telling me that it's not hard to be a teacher, tak undergo training pon takdehal. Bosan takde benda nak buat kat rumah? Jadi la cikgu! Need quick and easy money, daripada menganggur tu? Jadi la cikgu! Being a teacher have always been an easy way out for people who doesn't know what else to do. Maka tak pelik bila ada saying cakap 'If you can, do. If you can't, teach'. Perghh frust la awak!!!

You don't send untrained doctors to the surgery room
You don't send untrained lawyers to the courtroom
SO WHY DO YOU SEND UNTRAINED TEACHERS TO SCHOOL??

And this leads to another frustration! Beban cikgu! (Ini isu lama doe, tak setel2 lagi, haigooo!) Aku tak offended dengan workload. Yang aku rasa offended, nak ngade2 tacing, adalah the amount of workload unrelated to teaching, up to a point distracting teachers from their real job, which is teaching! Again, you are indirectly saying that distracted teachers are no big deal!

Kalau la doktor diberi beban kerja (yang unrelated to doctoring) sampai tahap tak mampu nak merawat orang, pasti orang marah..
Kalau la lawyer diberi beban kerja (yang unrelated to law) sampai tahap tak leh nak pertahankan orang, pasti orang marah..

Why? Because they (doctors, lawyers, alike) have consequences which we can SEE.

You mess up as a doctor, might cost someone's LIFE.
You mess up as a lawyer, might cost an innocent man UNDESERVED PUNISHMENT.
You mess up as a teacher, you are ruining a generation.

Oh but wait, no ones take 'ruining a generation' seriously. Because you cannot SEE how can you ruin a generation.

If a child is 'ruined' by a teacher due to her or his incompetency, it doesn't show up in bruises..
A child won't die from lack of learning in school..
Teachers won't be sent to prison if their teaching is not effective..

So simply no one gives a damn. Because we can't SEE. Hence the reason behind my post title. To have faith and understanding in the unseen.


*** 2021 update. Seriously tajuk ni cringe. kakaka 

Dua tahun yang lalu, pada post-mortem PMG 12 di mana aku komiti, Abang K bertanya kepada penggerak-penggerak PMG 12 " Lepasni sape yang nain PMG lagi? "

Aku tak angkat tangan
Plus aku buat muka kelat
Ye, sumpah waktu tu aku tension
Penat, risau
Rasa tak dihargai
Malu
Seribu satu macam rasa. Tapi waktu tu hati telah pon dalam diam buat decision

"Pasni. Aku nak quit PEPIAS"

Abang K pandang ke arah aku and said "Peah tanak join dah pasni?"

Aku geleng
Ye
Sekelumit rasa untuk join PMG lepas ni sikit pon takde
Cukuplah apa yang aku rasa waktu tu
Aku tak suka lah stress stress ni
Beban

Defense Mechanism?

 Why is it the deeper that I'm falling this guy, the stronger the urge to go flirt with 10 other men? LOL.