Poem : '2013'

'2013'

Two thousand and thirteen
Do I officially start my degree,
My excitement, all have seen
My friends too, them, the teachers-to-be.

Two thousand and thirteen
Do I officially become twenty,
Ouh what an immature girl I’ve been!
But growing up can be scary.

I’m sad and happy, scared and excited
For what the journey ahead holds for me,
I pray that my path is guided
And that I do it not alone, but together with them, with my TESL family.

By: Soffeatul Raunaqiah Binti Mohamad Rahim

Patah jari

Bertarikh 11/10, aku patah jari. Canne boleh jadi?  Jatuh dalam shower. Sakit weh. First kena rasa nak pitam. Balik bilik air tuh terus call dijah nangis sakit. Si dijah pulak pikir aku nak prank dia, aduiiiiiiiii. Tengok jari aku bengkok semacam, risauu .Jap aku lukis kat paint canne rupanya. Doktor kasi tunjuk result x-ray nya, rupanya ade lah ala-ala ni sikit. amacam gigih tak aku melukis?

Uiiikss bengkokss

Lawa en aku lukis? Aku paksa kau cakap ye!!!!!! hohoho

Anyway, banyak pengajaran yang boleh digarap dari pengalaman aku ni. Seolah2 usrah lepas (yang berkisarkan tajuk ujian sakit itu tanda Allah sayang) macam foreshadowing pulak. Syukur dengar usrah tu, minda lebih terbuka dalam menerima ujian. Kita ditimpa ujian, Allah sayang. Kasi tambah pahala, kasi kurang dosa, kasi kita ingat sama DIA <3 . Anyway, I got 8days MC! okay tak best. Dah rindu kawan. Anyway I will still go to class, just rasa macam ohsem gila dapat MC tak pernah dapat lagi seumur hidup. huhu

Ade satu kisah menarik ni yang aku jumpa kat mastika. Moh bace :) 

Wang Syiling Dari Langit.

TINGG!

Wang syiling itu jatuh di hadapan seorang lelaki yg sedang asyik membancuh simen. Melihat logam kecil itu,tangan lelaki itu terhenti melakukan kerja. Tidak menunggu lama,tangannya segera mengutip syiling itu dan dimasukkan ke dalam poketnya.

Dia menyambung semula kerjanya.

TINGG!

Sekali lagi lelaki itu terpandang duit syiling tidak jauh dari sisinya.Lelaki itu menoleh ke kiri,kanan dan disekelilingnya.Tiada siapa yg berdekatan dengannya. Sekali lagi dia terus mengambil syiling itu dan menyimpan dalam koceknya.
Tidak lama kemudian,lelaki itu ternampak lagi duit syiling berdekatan dengannya. Pun sama,dia mengambil dan menyimpannya.
“Rezeki aku!” kata lelaki itu dalam hati.

Lelaki itu tidak sedar,logam syiling itu sebenarnya dicampakkan oleh ketuanya daripada aras lapan bangunan separuh siap yg mereka bina itu.
Sebenarnya ,ketuanya mahu memanggilnya.Ada pesanan yg mahu disampaikan ketuanya itu.Puas ketuanya menjerit daripada aras lapan,cuba memanggil lelaki itu yg berada pada aras paling bawah.

Namun,jeritan itu tidak mampu mengalahkan pelbagai bunyian mesin pembinaan di kawasan tersebut.Dek kerana itulah,ketuanya itu mencampakkan syilingnya dengan harapan lelaki itu akan mendongak melihatnya di atas.Mudah-mudahan,dapatlah dia menyampaikan pesananya kepada pekerjanya itu.

Sayangnya,sehingga habis wang syilingnya dibaling ke bawah,lelaki itu masih belum juga mendongak ke atas.

Lantas,ketuanya itu mengumpulkan serpihan batu kecil yg terdapat di lantai.Satu persatu batu kecil itu dibaling ke bawah.

Beberapa kali batu itu mengenai badan lelaki itu.Setelah merasa sakit dan terganggu,lelaki itu mendongak ke atas,melihat dari mana datangnya batu-batu kecil yg menyerangnya tadi.

Barulah dia ternampak kelibat ketuanya yg sejak tadi cuba mencuri perhatiannya bagi menyampaikan pesanan.

P/s : Sahabat sekalian,kisah ini sekadar tamsilan antara kita dengan Yang Maha Pencipta.Tanpa sedar,Allah sering menjatuhkan ‘syiling’ lambang rezeki,rahmat atau kesenangan yg tidak terkira banyak kepada kita.
Tuhan menjatuhkan ‘syiling’ itu sebagai satu panggilan agar kita sentiasa mendongak ke atas untuk mengingati dan bersyukur dengan kurniaan-Nya.Tetapi,kita acap kali lalai untuk ‘mendongak’ ke atas sebaliknya terus menikmati pemberian-Nya tanpa mengucapkan terima kasih.

Seperti kisah ketua dan pekerja tadi,apabila jatuhan syiling tidak berjaya menarik perhatian,lalu Dia jatuhkan pula ‘batu’ yg berupa musibah,kegagalan,keperitan dan pengalaman yg menyakitkan.
Dan hanya setelah kita merasa kesakitan itu,barulah kita teringat untuk mendongak,menadah tangan bersyukur mengingati Yang Maha Pencipta kita.

UUU syilling basuh baju dah habis. Batu nak buat mende. Main seremban tuh boleh lah. Tapi, batulah yang memberi kita pengajaran :) 

AnaSoffea: Sweet kan Allah :') Okay, Assalamualaikum

When the heart stops caring

I think, miraculously, I have somehow located the 'care' button in my heart, and switched it off. No no. Not the 'care' button. The 'care-that-shows-on-your-face' button. Yeah THAT button. Its a real strange feeling. You really can't feel anything, and no emotions is shown, but woah your mind will not stop thinking. These few months back, I have countlessly lied to myself. Same old lie 'I am okay'. Same old trick, laughing as if I haven't got a care in the world.

• I'm really buzzing!
• I'm having a really peachy time!
• I'm walking on air!
• I'm on cloud nine!
• I'm totally over the moon!
• Everything's cool!

I googled what a in-a-good-mood-person will say. Yeah, the above. You see, a depressed person would say the same things with the same expressions. Except they are faking it. 

Sometimes I think I am sincerely happy. I am not faking anything. And yet I find myself crying myself to sleep at night. Why is that? I figured out the answer.

BECAUSE I CARED

Who knew that such an innocent feeling, caring, could cause someone so much pain? I never expected that. I was not ready for the fall. And I did fall. It wasn't a soft landing. *OUCH*

"Unexpected. I wiped the tears and put myself in ignorance saying "I'm okay" repeatedly. The biggest lie I continuously telling myself. I'm in a very long state of denial. Pretending like I am the happiest man alive to the world, when the reality was, my heart is aching, unimaginable aching heart with tangled thoughts inside. And what was in my head cannot be described, a whole lot of scratchy endless thought of worries, fear and unwritten hopes."

(Kamal Effendi, 2012)

Sometimes you forget the balance in life. Like there is day, so there must be night. There is men in this world, so there must be women too. The yin and yang concept, y'know whaddaimean? Well I guess in the moment of pure happiness, I forgotten that there must be sadness too. But is this bad? No, to have known sadness, it means I have came to learn happiness too. And every bit of happiness, I will treasure. And the people who helped me in achieving those rays of happiness, I will not forget. 

As always, I try to see the positive in this whole fiasco-in-my heart thingy. Yes, things looks super messed up right now.But dear Mr.Wikipedia here wrote on 'Yin and Yang' : 'Everything has both yin and yang aspects as light could not be understood if darkness didn't exist, and shadow cannot exist without light.' It a cycle really. To know sadness, you must have felt happiness. And to know happiness, you must have felt sadness. I am in my sadness phase. And that's okay. Because when my future happiness comes, I will be able to appreciate it better. Insyaallah. Rainbow after the rain Soffea, rainbow after the rain. Remember that. 

Of course I would be lying to say I am on the verge of tears at every moment of the day or I am completely unhappy with the way things are. I have laughed happily too. Smiled sincerely. And felt happiness and cherished the moments. But this thing, this thing that is at the back of my mind. Its like that one tiny black dot on a pure clean paper that just spoils everything. Am I ungrateful? No, Alhamdulillah praises to Allah, I can honestly say, I am happy. I might not be 100% but I know for a fact, I am by far luckier than others. 

But my heart is aching. 

It hurts. Deep. But I am already healing. bit by bit. 

At first I was angry. But as time passes, I realized what I am feeling is disappointment. You expect too much, you hope too high, and that is what you will get. The only one who will not disappoint you is Allah. I have prayed that this 'issue' of mine will be resolved. I will include it my dua after each prayer. But Allah have not yet granted my wish. Why? Remember that during a test, the teacher is quiet. Allah is testing me, and I pray now that I be a stronger being, so that I will come out even stronger :) Amin.

Even though I am spreading 'wise' words here in my blog, I have taken foolish actions. I don't know what might the consequences be, but at the moment, I am too numb to feel anything. I have stopped caring. The heart doesn't feel anything, but the brain knows better. Well Mr. Brainy, it would be helpful if you can go numb like your peer Mr.Heart but I guess asking that would be asking myself to be turned into a robot. 

I am coping. I am.And I am not faking it, no lie. My heart stopped caring, but just remember, its actually the brain that controls the emotions. I just wish things won't go so bad that my brain stopped caring too. That  would be drastic. I wouldn't want that.And hopefully, I will not do the things I don't want. 

Btw. I've deleted everything.Almost. I once said I regretted my choice, but not this time. It gave me a piece of mind, a release of a burden. This time, I am willingly letting go the things I must let go. Alhamdulillah Allah has granted this peace in my heart. I have moved on, but not far. But far enough to know, that there is no turning back. Not far enough to be completely sure that I will not look back at the past without tears glistening in my eyes. 

I have made my plans, but if Allah has a greater plan, then I accept. :) 

My Bestrie, Bimple :D

Bestrie? Bimple?

Meh aku terangkan dua istilah pelik ni ..

Bestrie : Bestfriend (Bestie) + Isteri = Bestrie . A person who is a both a best friend and a wifey.

Bimple : A person who has a weird dimple in the form of a DOT so it takes the 'b' from lesung batu (not lesung pipit yea ). Plus, the person is also a bimbo, so the similar sound between the two words make it such a perfect term. 

The lucky person who can be these two terms to me, yes people, ME, the ever-so-fabulous-me is... 

Jeng jeng jeng.

Khadijah Binti Abdul Rajak Hamim

Congrats girl! I know how honoured you must feel being my bestieeeeeeeeee. hahahaha

No lah dear. I am honoured being YOUR friend. Honest :)

You are the one who is ever-so-fabulous. 

And I love you ever so much. You make me so happy. And it pains me if you're sad. Smile okay sayang :)

There you go soul-mate, one post, especially for you. 

Sicerely, me 

xoxo

Here's my picture of you. I drew it in Paint.